


What If?

by CoNic33



Category: The Resident (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoNic33/pseuds/CoNic33
Summary: I had a request to write about episode 20 in season 2 (If not now, when?). If you are a Nic and Conrad fan you know this started very painfully. However the request was to change the episode a bit where Nic was one of the shooting victims. I think this will be a few chapters but I wanted to post what I have so far. Please forgive spelling/grammar errors. I chose to go with the mature rating due to the mature nature of injuries and trauma.
Relationships: Conrad Hawkins/Nicolette Nevin
Comments: 38
Kudos: 107





	1. The Line

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anne34](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Anne34).



A movement toward their future. Something to show she was as committed to him as he was to her. That is all he wanted. He knew she had been keeping him at arm’s length but didn’t understand why. He had hoped if he made this move she would see he was there for her, no matter what else was going on. All of that backfired on him. He was ready to marry her. Yet he had no idea where she was...

Why was he doing this now? Why now? When she could not even acknowledge her own fears with her sister. How in the world did he expect her to explain her feelings about him. She wanted him more than anything, but everyone she had ever fully trusted had failed her... including him. Though she could forgive him for the past she was still learning to trust his commitment. And now... now that her world was spiraling out of control he chose to give her an ultimatum. Why? Her thoughts were so jumbled she pulled her car over...

Then everything changed. 

The shots rang out. She saw the car passing her swerved. Instinctively she jumped out of her car running to help. She yelled at man getting out of another car to call 911. When she got to the car it had 3 occupants, 2 adult one male and one female, as well as a young boy. Quickly she started to assess the situation. The man was fine but the woman and the boy were badly injured. She walked the man through how to help her as they waited for the ambulance. 

At the hospital they received a call from the ambulances. They informed them of the incoming GSW (gunshot wound) trauma patients. Conrad had just arrived when Bell told him of the call. Without time to change he simply covered in the trauma gown. They divided into teams and awaited patients. 

Upon arrival the first patient was quickly assessed and rushed inside. The second patient was being taken out when Conrad saw Nic walking up. She was covered in blood. For Conrad everything in that moment stopped existing, nothing else matters as he went to her.

“Are you ok?” His mind quickly racing through an assessment. 

“Yes. I’m fine I was behind them when it happened.” She said. 

“Are you sure?” He felt like something was off. He kept looking at her. 

“I am fine. Go on.” She did not want him to fuss over her. 

He looked her over one last time before he started moving inside. He let his hand slide down her arm to her wrist. Suddenly she started to collapse. 

“NIC!” He quickly pulled her towards his body keeping her from hitting her head. “I need help over here!” He yelled as started to truly assess Nic. “Nic, I need you to open your eyes. Talk to me. Tell me what is wrong.” No response. He quickly started from her head making his way down her body looking for signs of what was wrong. When he got to her abdominal region he moved back her jacket which revealed fresh blood. His heart sank with fear. 

At this point Devon and some other nurses came out the door to see Nic on the ground and Conrad quickly becoming frantic. Turning to the nurses, “Get a gurney.” Then he ran to Conrad’s side, “What happened!?!” 

“I don’t know! I asked her if she was ok… that she was fine… she said to go in. Suddenly she collapsed… GSW to abdominal area.” Conrad was barely keeping it together.

The gurney arrived with Bell following close behind. “Dear God.” He quickly ran back in to form another team. 

They moved Nic to the gurney. Devon applied sternum pressure, “Nic can you hear us… We need you to wake up.” 

As the arrived in trauma room Nic began to respond slightly. Quickly Conrad took her hand in his, “Nic can you hear! Squeeze my hand if can hear.” He felt a slight squeeze, “Nic open your eyes for me.” He could tell she trying to say something but the room had become filled with so many people he couldn’t hear, “I’m right here Nic.” 

Suddenly, the monitors started going off. Conrad focused his attention onto the machines. Her pulse was dropping. Conrad’s voice became shaky “Nic! Come on Nic!” 

Devon and Bell exchanges glanced they knew they need to remove Conrad. At this point a crowd of nurses and doctors had moved to door. At hearing the alarms Irving and Mina had pushed his way through. Everyone exchanged glances as Conrad moved towards the lines attached to Nic. 

Mina jumped into action, “Conrad move back. We will take care of her.” She began to assess. 

Bell stepped towards Conrad, “You need to let us handle this.” As he moved to guide him Conrad took a step back. 

“I can do this. I have to help her.” Conrad's voice was pleading.

Devon stepped towards his friend putting a hand on his shoulder, “They will take care of her Conrad.” He gently started pushing Conrad out. Bell was next to Devon helping clear the way. 

Conrad put up little resistance. He knew they were right. As they made it to the door he heard Mina.

Mina was progressing through the trauma assessment, “I am palpating the abdomen.” When Mina applied pressure to the abdomen Nic cried out in pain. 

Nic could not tell what was going on. Her senses were being overwhelmed by the pain coursing through every nerve ending in her body. Fear began to set in. “Conrad!” The voice came out as a small cry, “Conrad help me!” She mumbled those words as she faded again. 

When Conrad heard Nic’s voice something switched in his mind. Devon was prepared for Conrad to resist against him but he never expected the almost rage set into him. He shoved Devon with all his might. Devon was able to stay on his feet thanks to Bell who was behind him. Quickly three other people grabbed onto Conrad to hold him back. 

Devon made eye contact with him, “Conrad you must stop. Stop! They got her!”

Conrad had stopped resisting “I need to tell her I love her. That I would do anything for her… I need to tell her I need her…”

“She knows Conrad.” Devon said trying to reassure him.

“We had a fight. This morning… I need her to know I love her” Conrad was breaking. His head sunk. 

“She knows. Everyone knows. They are going to do everything they can but you have to stay out of the way.” Devon held Conrad’s shoulders trying to comfort him.

Bell peaked his head out, “Nurse Hundley is the OR ready?”

“Ready. Dr. Austin is waiting.” Hundley replied as she walked over and placed a comforting hand on Conrad. 

“Tell him we are about to move.” Bell turned towards Conrad his eyes were soft but his voice controlled, “Conrad can you walk with us to the line?” The question was firm.

Conrad straighten himself, “Yes.”

Answering the silent question Bell gently said, “She is not conscious currently.” He heard Mina order to move to OR. He moved to Conrad, “As you know she may be able to hear you.” 

As the gurney moved towards him he saw her. She looked fragile. Walking beside the bed Conrad quickly took his hand in hers. He knew his time was limited until they reached the line. As they entered the elevator he took the opportunity “Nic, I love you. I will do whatever you want. I am here for you.” He kissed her forehead, “We can work through anything.” He kissed her hand. The elevator door open. 

60 Feet till the Line  
His time was fading quickly, “I am sorry.”

40 Feet  
“I will fix everything.” His thumb rubbed the back of her hand. 

20 Feet  
“Trust me. We can make it.” Again his kissed her head. 

10 Feet  
“I love you.” He gripped her hand. 

5 Feet  
“Come back.” He kissed her hand.

The Line  
“I need you.” He let her go, falling to his knees to keep himself from crossing the line.

AJ was waiting at the line. He knelt down to Conrad, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I got her now. Go to the gallery if you can… don't feel bad if you can’t.” 

Conrad nodded. AJ stood then put his hand out for Conrad to take. Conrad took it. AJ pulled him up. Giving him a comforting look as he turned towards the OR.


	2. Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like it. I will try to get the next chapter up quickly. Thank you for all the support.

Devon came to stand next to him, “Do you want to watch? If you would rather wait in the break room we can do that?” 

Conrad closed his eyes for a moment. He didn’t know which was worse… not knowing what was going on and wondering… or… watching as they cut into Nic... his Nic. “I have to watch. I am afraid of the unknown is worse.”

Devon eyed him for a moment, “Ok.”

As they moved into the OR Conrad took notice of all the moving parts. AJ and Mina were prepping for the surgery. The surgical team was prepping Nic. She had been intubated and seemed stable currently. Seeing Nic intubated affected him more than he anticipated. He shut his eyes and looked away.

Devon noticed, “Hey let's sit. It will be a moment before the surgery starts.” 

Conrad nodded his head. Devon took in his appearance. He could tell Conrad was taking so much on himself. He was not sure if it was best to ask or not, “So what was the fight about?”

At first Conrad looked at him like he had lost his mind. He was quiet for a moment then decided it would help him not think about the current situation, “It was about our future. I asked her to make more of a commitment to me… to us. I wanted her to want to move in with me.”

Conrad heard AJ’s voice come into the gallery “Before we start is everyone good to be in this surgery?” He asked looking around the room. Everyone understood the question. Could they check their emotions at the door and perform the surgery to the best of their abilities. Everyone nodded to him, “Alright let’s get started. I am making the incision to the abdominal wall. We will explore the area for damage.”

Again Conrad had to look away. So Devon pried some more, “So she said she didn’t want to move in with you?” 

Conrad kept his eyes closed a little longer as the conversation with Nic played through his mind, “Not in so many words. She wanted to know why I was pushing her.”

Devon was a little curious now, “Why were you?”

“Because she was pulling away from me. As Jesse regressed so did our relationship. She wasn’t including me in the process. Sure she would ask me my thoughts on things now and then but overall I was an afterthought. When Jesse had problems earlier in the year we tackled it as a team. She trusted me. I supported her. I don’t know what changed or when exactly but I felt we were becoming…”

Suddenly, Mina’s voice entered the room, “We have encountered a bleeder the abdomen is filling up. Start blood transfusion protocol.” A flurry of movement happen as Mina and AJ work to gain control again, “Bleeder has been located, clamp.” After a few moments she continued, “No damage to the liver. Let’s continue exploring.” Time seem to both slow and sped up for everyone. 

“I do not know if I can do this.” Conrad’s voice could barely be heard.

Trying to keep him busy Devon continued, “So how did you all leave things?”

Conrad knew what Devon was doing so he tried to focus back on the story, “We left it with me giving back my key to her house. Which only upset her more. I shouldn’t have done that. I was hurt. I told her I needed to take a step back… I am not even sure what I meant by that myself.” He became lost for a moment trying to consider what that even meant to him. Would he not see her outside of the hospital. Was this long term, “I am not even sure what it all looked like long term… certainly not this way… I just wanted her to choose me… us. I don’t know how it all got messed up.” 

“Seriously?” Devon was truly surprised by Conrad.

“Yes seriously.” Conrad snapped the tension starting to weigh on him.

Devon ignored his tone, “Maybe you are too close to see it but it is quite clear to me.”

“Enlighten me then.” He said flatly.

“Nic is terrified that her sister is dying. I have seen the numbers. It is a legitimate fear. Her numbers are not improving which means long term dialysis. This a major commitment. It will change Nic from being a sister to being the caregiver. We all know caregivers are the unsung heroes but we also know they bear a huge burden.” Devon concluded quietly.

He took a moment to let the words sink in, “But I am here to help her. I want to help her. Why doesn’t she know that?”

“But for how long?” Devon was prepared with the question. He believe that was Nic’s hold up. 

Conrad immediately became defensive, “What do you mean? I have no plans to leave Nic.”

“I am not trying to make you upset Conrad but you have to see it from her side. She is having to consider want 5 to 10 years down the road looks like. Have you? Have you considered how it changes your relationship when she becomes full time caregiver to Jesse. If you had did she know?” Devon’s tone was soft trying to prevent the words to sound accusatory. 

Conrad’s voice broke as he spoke ”How could she not! I told her I wanted to marry her. That I wanted to move forward with her.” 

“But you basically said now or possibly never. She needs time to trust it… You all have made great strides but still it wasn’t that long ago… that you… weren’t there for her.”

Conrad had tears forming in his eyes, “All I want to do is come home to her. To have her in my arms when I fall asleep at night. To be there for her. To be her protector… the person she turns too. I love her.”

He laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, “She will need you more now than ever. So what are you willing to do to fix this?” 

Conrad’s eyes were fiercely sincere, “Anything.” 

Mina’s voice came back into the gallery, “The surgery is complete. Let’s close up and move her to recovery.”

Conrad jumped up and moved to the intercom “What is the outcome?”

AJ’s gently said, “Let’s meet in recovery and I will bring you up to speed.”

Tears came to Conrad’s eyes, “Ok.”


	3. Outcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this one took so long to get up. Life happened. I hope you all enjoy. Also, season 3 has been amazing!

Conrad was waiting in Nic’s recovery room when they wheeled her in. Immediately he was out at her side. He took her hand in his and kissed her forehead. He saw AJ and Mina were standing in the doorway. So he reluctantly left her side to go talk to them. 

AJ began his outcome assessment, “Thankfully there was clear entry and exit wound. The exit wound caused us the most problems. There was significant tissue damage particularly to the muscle and nervous tissue. We did make the entry wound slightly larger to help with the exploration of the affected area. There was minimal damage to the colon and intestine. There was no need to make a midline laparotomy (cut in the middle of the stomach). This will keep the scarring down to a minimum.”

Taking a deep breath, “What do you feel her long-term outcome will be?” 

Mina continued the assessment, “Recovery will depend on the next few days. She lost a lot of blood. We will probably need to do a few more transfusions of plasma to help her healing process. The exit wound caused damage that could be difficult to recover from. The worst case is she will need help walking for the rest of her life, the best case is she will need physical therapy for the next few months.” 

His head dropped with the weight of the assessment. Conrad’s felt such a mixture of emotions at that moment. Nic may not be able to walk on her own… how will she handle this news… what does their future look like... will she forgive him...

AJ hated delivering the news to Conrad, “Look man we just don’t know yet. We know she will make a recovery. She will need you.”

Conrad lightly nodded, “Thank you both. Truly.” He gave them both a quick hug than moved to Nic’s bedside. 

Time went slowly by. Jessica had come by to check her vitals and determined the breathing tube could come out. They had dialed back the Propofol enough that Nic would be waking soon. Conrad nervously took her hand. He said a silent prayer for her. Kissing her forehead he softly whispered to her, “No matter what happens if you want me I am here. I won’t leave you.”

Conrad stayed in his seat by her bedside. Finally, she began to stir. Conrad noticed the small signs of her coming back to him. He hit the alarms so the nurse's station would send for AJ, Mina, and Kit. Tenderly he rubbed the back of her hand, “Nic it is ok. I am here.”

Nic felt like she was in a fog. Flashes of brief memories flooded her mind. Fear began to overtake her. She was trying hard to not panic her voice came out rough and quiet, “Conrad!”

Relief surged threw him, “I am right here Nic. You are safe. I got you.”

She turned to his voice trying to focus her eyes. When their eyes met she felt herself calming down, “What happened?”

As she spoke her team walked through the door. Mina could not resist putting her arms around Nic. “Nic I am so glad you are back. You gave us quite a scare.” 

AJ stood next to her bed with a smile, “I knew you would be back. You are a fighter. We need to do a quick assessment.”

Nic nodded at him.

“Do you remember what happened?” AJ asked.

Nic spoke slowly trying to remember the events, “A little. People in the car in front of me were shot... I jumped out to help. I followed the ambulance. When I got here I saw Conrad. I do not remember much past that.”

As Nic was talking Kit joined the group. AJ made a few notes and smiled at her “Good. How is your pain level?”

“I am fine now. The pain medicine is at a good rate. Thank you.” Nic said confidently.

Kit joined the conversation “I am glad to see you Nic. I would like to assess your leg now if that is alright.”

“Sure.” Nic said with some confusion. Conrad took hold of Nic’s hand.

“Can you wiggle your toes for me?” Kit asked gently.

Nic was sure this would not be a problem. When she went to wiggle her toes nothing happened. Nic started to panic.

Conrad gently said, “Breath Nic.” 

Kit put her hand on the leg, “Can you feel this?”

Tears were threatening to fall but she nodded her yes.

Kit was quick to respond “Nic your body has gone through immense trauma. Do not worry yet. Tomorrow could be completely different. There is a lot of swelling that needs time to go down. We will reassess tomorrow. Come on team enough crowding the room for the moment.”

Kit gave her a smile and comforting squeezed her leg. She knew Nic needed a moment to let things sink in. As everyone left the room they told Nic they would see her soon. Nic nodded her head passively. 

Once everyone left Conrad spoke tenderly to her, “Nic, please know it is going to be ok.”

He went to continue but she stopped him, “I need a moment Conrad. Please just give me 5 mins to myself.”

Conrad was defeated. At least she didn’t tell him to leave and not come back, she just wanted a moment, “Ok.”

He placed a kiss on her forehead and walked out the door. Nic instantly regretted having him leave but she needed a moment. She looked down at her foot. There was no movement. Placing her head in her hands, she wept. 

Conrad went to the Nurses Station. He saw Jessica, “Hey Jess is anyone going to be coming into Nic’s room for the next few hours?”

“I am not sure, let me check. I do not see anyone on the rotation that plans to be in for the next few hours. Is there something I can do?” 

“Yes, unless it is absolutely needed let's give Nic some space. I am going to close off the room. She needs some time to adjust.” 

Jessica gave him a comforting smile at him, “Conrad, this is going to be a difficult few days for her. No matter the outcome it will be a long recovery. She needs you.”

Conrad gave a small smile, “I am trying.” 

Turning, he headed back to the room. When he walked into the room he drew the curtains closing off the outside world. He wanted it to just be them for a few moments. When he saw her she was softly crying into her hands. Conrad’s heart broke. “Ohh Nic.”

“Conrad I am so scared. What if I can’t walk? What if I can’t do my job?” Nic’s tears flowed freely.

He took her hand, “Shhh it is ok. We don’t know enough yet. No matter what this will work out.” 

He needed to hold her. Suddenly he asked her, “Does it hurt to roll on your side?”

Nic looked confused but she rolled to her side. “No… why?”

“Stay like that.” He quickly took his shoes off and picked up a blanket. He lowered the rail enough for him to cautiously slid onto the bed behind her. Conrad moved his arm under Nic’s neck moving his body close to hers while being aware of wounds. His other arm moved around her chest holding her close. 

“Conrad I am sorry…” He quickly interrupted her. 

“Not right now. We will work through this morning later. Right now just let me hold you. We both need this… Unless you don’t want me to stay.” It hadn’t crossed his mind that she may not want him.

She interlaced her fingers with his, “Please don’t leave me. I want you to stay.”

Conrad placed slow tender kisses on the side of her face and neck. Then he whispered “I am right here. Rest.”


	4. Reconciling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the very long delay. I work in the medical field and Covid-19 has taken a toll on us all. Im hoping it will not take so long for my next entry. I have included two requests in this chapter so I hope everyone enjoys and thank you for the feedback.

It had been a long couple of days. Nic slept most of the second and third day. Her assessments showed signs of improvement but there was still quite a way to go. Though feeling was returning it was also causing more pain. Marshall had stopped by to see her. He insisted that she be moved up to the VIP wing. The VIP room would provide more comfort for him to stay. On their way up they stopped by to visit with Jesse. She looked better than Nic remembered but her numbers had not improved. Conrad hadn’t taken very many new patients during the time so he could stay with her as much as possible. 

She encouraged him to go on rounds while she took a much-needed nap after her physical therapy session. Before she could rest Mina came by to update her on some results and told her about additional tests that were needed. Finally, Nic’s medicine caused her to fall asleep. When she woke up the room was empty. At first, she welcomed the solace. Mina’s news had left her concerned on how to tell Conrad. Before she could fully consider it her mind drifted back to the fight they had. 

_ “I would marry you Nic. But I don’t ask cause you don’t want to move in together… Why is making a commitment to me a burden?…"  _

Nic had learned from experience to count on no one. Her sister always had her own battles to fight. Her mother was gone. Her father, a man she should have been able to count on, fled in moments of difficulty. Hell, even when Jesse was in school they knew to call Nic not Kyle if there was a problem. She had become comfortable being needed, but very uncomfortable needing. Needing someone was terrifying. However, the most distressing desire was needing Conrad. Could she entrust such a raw part of herself? The situation she found herself in was even more uncertain than the events leading up to the fight. Then she saw Conrad's face as he pleaded with her to open up to him, to trust him, _ "I'm here to help. That should be a relief."  _

She should have been honest with him about her fears. Instead she shut down and shut him out. 

_ “If you are not interested in going forward for me it’s time to take a step back.” _

_ “If that is what you want.” _

_ “It’s not what I want. When I go home at night no matter what's going on in my life I want you there! You don’t feel the same! That’s the problem!” Every sentence his voice became more and more emotional _ . 

Her mind became overwhelmed. She felt her heart rate start to race, the room was spinning, her breathing became labored. Alarms began going off causing nurses to rush in. 

Conrad entered the elevator anxious to get back to Nic. Devon had talked him into running home to shower and get some clothes while she slept. At first, he resisted but Devon promised to stay on Nic’s wing until he returned. The elevator door opened to her floor, a dreadfully familiar sound pierced through his ears. Immediately, he took off running towards her room. 

Devon had been checking in on a patient across the hall when he heard the alarms. He rushed to Nic’s room. Jessica joined him, as they quickly assessed Nic. Devon put his stethoscope to her chest, “Nic I need you to talk to me. Tell me what is wrong.”

Struggling she tried to speak but she couldn’t get enough air in. The room was full of commotion when Conrad arrived. Trying to keep his emotions in control he ran down a mental checklist. Quickly he recognized the problem, “Devon get everyone out of here.” 

He ignored the order, “Conrad I think you need to leave.”

Conrad took a step towards him. His voice came out very controlled, “She is having a panic attack. Give me 2 minutes.”

Devon considered his assessment for a moment, “Clear the room.” Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, “Clear the room. Now. Go.” 

Everyone started moving out of the door while Conrad quickly moved to Nic’s side, “Nic it’s me. It’s Conrad.” He took her hand and held it on his chest, “Nic I need you to breathe with me. Just breathe with me baby.” 

She could hear him but her eyes were not focusing. It felt like she was in a tunnel that was closing around her. 

“Come on baby. Close your eyes,” He took a breath in and let it out. “Listen to my voice. Just breathe with me,” his tone was very relaxed. He took another breath in and she followed him, “Good.”

Her body started to relax. After taking a few more breaths with him, she opened her eyes. He moved her hand off his chest but didn’t let go. They both just sat there quietly for a while. 

Then she looked into his eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

“Shhh. You need to rest. Everything will be fine.” He caressed her cheek. 

“No Conrad. I should have been honest with you the other day. I should have told you… I was scared.” Her eyes immediately started to tear up. 

Immediately, he hung his head, “Nic, I’m so sorry. I never meant to scare you. I know I got angry-”

“No. No. Not of you. You didn’t scare me. I mean, you did not physically scare me.” 

“Then what were you afraid of?”

“Losing you.”

He was completely confused, “Nic, I told you I would marry you. I told you I would move in with you. What of those things makes you think I would leave you? I want to commit to you. I want to build a life with you.” His words held great emotion, but his voice stayed soft. 

“That’s just it. I can't let you. Especially now.”

He felt like she was physically ripping his heart out of his chest. After everything they had gone through why would she say they can’t be together. He couldn’t take it anymore. The events of the past few days coupled with yet again her denying him were all he could take. He lowered his head unable to prevent the tears from falling, “Please. I can’t lose you. I saw what that looks like… I can’t live in that world.” 

She heard the tears in his voice. Looking at him, she saw such vulnerability. It was rare for him to show his pain or fear. Yet, here he sat looking completely lost. She moved her other hand to his cheek, “I’m trying to protect you. I already had the baggage of Jesse and now this. You will see that I’m not worth it.”

His eyes made contact with hers, “No, Nic. You don’t see I want all of you.”

Once she told him everything she knew he would leave. She fought to keep her emotions in control, “Conrad I’m afraid I can’t give you what you deserve. Mina came in to talk with me earlier.” She couldn’t make the words come out.

“Ok,” he wasn’t sure where this was going.

Tears started falling down her face, “I don’t know if I can give you the family you want. The trauma from the bullet may have injured my ovaries and uterus. There is a lot of swelling. They will need new scans to know more.”

“How… what kind-” Conrad was cut off by someone walking in the room. 

The transport tech looked up from the chart, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’m here to take you for follow up scans. Does now work?”

Nic quickly answered, “Yes. I’m ready.” Wiping away tears. 

The poor tech looked back and forth between them, “Ok. Let’s go then.”

Conrad sat in stunned silence, as they headed out of the door he stood, “I’m coming with you.”

His voice came out with such authority it startled the tech. Nic looked at him, “You do not have too.”

He moved to her and took her hand, “I know.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, “We can talk when we get back to the room.”

Once they returned to the room Nic’s nurse was waiting to change her bandage. Conrad had to supervise the nurse changing the bandage. Though it annoyed the nurse she didn’t fight him. 

The nurse was finally finished, “Alright hopefully that feels a little better. It is more flexible and waterproof. Let me know if you want to take a shower later.”

“Oh a shower does sound nice,” Nic said with an almost dreamy look. 

“No problem. I can-”

Conrad quickly interrupted, “I think I can handle that Kate. Thank you.” 

Nic’s head whipped over glaring at him. He simply returned her glare with a wicked grin.

Kate just smiled looking between the two of them, “I will let the two of you work that out. Let me know if you need me. I will bring dinner for you both in about an hour or so.”

Kate closed the door behind her. Conrad smiled at Nic, “So would you like to shower before or after dinner?”

She chose to ignore his question, “I think we need to talk.”

“Ok. Let’s talk,” he said while sitting down across from her on the bed. He knew they needed to finish their conversation from earlier. 

Nic took a deep breath, “I loved watching you with Henry. He was such a great kid.” She glanced at Conrad who looked very puzzled, “The last time he was in the hospital he asked me a question when it was just the two us. He asked me if I was going to marry you because he wanted you to be his dad.-”

“Nic, there-”

She held her hand up to stop him, “Please Conrad. This is hard for me.” Her eyes held his for a moment but he gave a slight nod, “I was trying to sort so many things out. I still am. There was part of me that wondered if he didn’t have a point. If I couldn’t give you a family that I knew you so desperately want maybe I needed to get out of the way so you and Zoey-”

“Please don’t,” his tone was truly desperate. 

Her eyes meet his. They looked so broken and it killed her but he needed to understand. Her voice came out very quietly, “You deserve a family Conrad. I don’t know if I can give you one. When I lost the baby it killed me and I know it killed you. We weren’t even trying to have one. I don’t know if I could handle it if we were and I lost one. Now with my injuries, I don’t even know if I can have children. I won’t hold you back.”

He reached for her hand trying to comfort her. For a moment neither of them said anything. They both were trying to hold back tears, “I’m so sorry. I blame myself for you being in this bed and will for the rest of my life.-”

“I don’t blame-”

“Nothing you say will change it. I pushed you too hard. I was hurt from the day before.” He took a moment to collect his thoughts, “When I came by to check on you and Jesse and saw Alex. It hurt me that you wanted his opinion. I was begging you to listen to mine but you were seeking him out.”

“That wasn’t the case.-”

“It was how it felt to me. You were pulling away from me… from us. There was Alex waiting for the opportunity. You confirmed part of my fear when you told me he let you know he was into you. I… I didn’t know what to do.” His eyes drifted to the floor. 

“Conrad please look at me.” She waited for his eyes to meet hers, “Nothing ever happened between Alex and me.”

They held each other’s gaze for a moment, “I know… Nothing ever happened between Zoey and me.”

Nic stayed quiet for a moment looking at him, “I know.” Her voice became very quiet, “I don’t know if I can give you what you want. I’m terrified that you will wake up one day to that realization and leave.” Tears streamed down her face. 

“I want you Nic.” He had tears forming in his eyes, “I choose you.” He gently started wiping away her tears. 

“What about having a family?”

“You are my family. WE are the family I want. We will figure the rest out together. I want you more than I want anything else.” 

“I want to talk about moving in together, getting married, having kids, all of it. Don’t rush me. Let me go at my pace. I want you, Conrad.” 

He couldn't contain the smile forming on his face, “I can do that. I want us to move forward together.” He took a deep breath, “This is a big deal.”

Nic's smile matched his as she brought her hands to his face, “Yeah.”

He turned serious, taking her in. She was everything to him. He wanted her in his life, “I am in.”

Nic closed the gap between them. The kiss was not rushed. She took her time running her tongue along his bottom lip before slowly caressing them together. He moved both his hands to the sides of her face. Before the kiss became heated he pulled back, “I just have one request.” 

“What’s that?”

“I really want those chickens.” 

She giggles as she leaned in to kiss him, “No chickens.” 

When Conrad pulled away he leaned his forehead to hers, “I love you.”

“I love you too. More than you will ever know.” She gently ran her hand from his face to his neck. 

He gently held her face in his hands, “Do you need anything?”

“You.” Running her hands through the hair at the back of his neck. 

He crashed his lips against hers kissing her with the built up emotion from the few days. He pulled back slightly to whisper against her lips “I’m yours.” 

She captured his lips again loving how they felt against hers. Finally, they both had to pull away from each other. Nic wanted his touch anyways she could have it, “Please hold me.” 

“Of course,” he placed a tender kiss to her forehead and gently moved next to her. 

This bed was a bit more roomy than the regular room beds. He would have to thank his father for insisting on the VIP floor. He gently laid back so she could curl up next to him. They stayed that way until Kate brought their dinner in. She scolded Conrad for being on the bed but winked at him. In return he flashed her a cheeky grin. This caused Nic to roll her eyes. 

Conrad removed the trays disappearing for a moment from the room. He returned shortly, “Alright, so how about that shower?”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you think I should do a shower scene. I have gone back and forth.


	5. Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for this chapter. I hope you all like it!

“I’m not so sure we should take a shower together.”

Giving her a puppy dog face, “Come on Nic. I can control myself.” 

She couldn’t help but giggle at him as he sat on the edge of the bed. She ran her hand gently over his cheek, “I’m sure you can,” 

His eyes changed from humor showing the deep care he had for, “I can’t begin to imagine everything you are feeling. I’m sure this makes you vulnerable.”

She shook her head yes, afraid if she spoke it would give away her emotions. 

“I’m here for you. It is completely up to you.”

She pulled him close gently moving her lips over his. Then barely moving her lips off his she whispered, “I love you, Conrad.”

He smiled back at her, “I love you too.”

She leaned her forehead into his, “Fine. Let’s take a shower.”

“Yes!” 

She couldn’t control her laughter at his almost boyish response. So she decided to tease him, “Remember, you promised we would control ourselves.”

“Oh, I promise to control myself.” He moved his lips next to ear, then in a low whisper, “I’m more than happy to control you too.” Slowly he kissed a path from the back of her ear to her jawline then neck. 

“Conrad,” her response was both a moan of pleasure and frustration. Neither of which stopped her from leaning her neck to give him better access. She shivered at the feel of his beard against her skin. A soft moan escaped her lips. Abruptly, he pulled back giving her a quick peck on the cheek. 

“I will go get things ready for your shower.” Immediately, he turned heading to the shower with a grin on his face. 

“You are evil!”

Peeking his head out the door, “Deliciously evil!” 

She couldn’t help giggling at him. Reappearing from the bathroom he looked very proud of himself. Then he moved the wheelchair closer to her. “Madam your chariot awaits.” 

His hand moved in a big grand chestier. He moved to the side of the bed to help her up. Small movements with her leg were fine but she couldn’t put much pressure on it. As he moved closer to help she pulled him down to meet her. She gave him a slow lingering kiss as she moved hands into his hair. When she pulled back they both were a little breathless, “Thank you.”

He smiled at her, “I’m not sure what I did but you are welcome.”

He gently moved her leg over and helped her into the wheelchair. The bathroom was very spacious. The tile was made to look like wood which added to the sophisticated feel. A bench ran along the side of the shower. The warm water had fogged up the mirror. 

She started to have doubts about this idea, “I think if you just get me to the edge of that bench I will be fine by myself.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t part of the deal.” Kneeling down in front of her, he put his hands on her legs, “I want to help you. We have seen each other naked hundreds of times. Don’t chicken out on me now. This can be fun.” He gave her a grin. 

Her face crinkled, “Ughh. Fine. Fine.”

He moved behind her and took a deep breath, “Ok let's get undressed.”

She tentatively took her top off. There had always been a comfort layer between the two of them but this was difficult for her, “I will need help with my pants.”

“No problem,” he walked around to the front of her. He had removed his pants and shirt which were now hanging by the door leaving him in his boxers. 

“What are you doing?” Her voice came out with a slight stammer.

“We are getting ready to get in the shower. I don’t really care to get my clothes wet. Is that ok?” He gave her a grin.

“Fine,” she gave a huff.

“It is just you and me,” he ran his fingers up and down her neck relaxing her. 

His touch was always calming to her, “I am sorry for being ridiculous.”

Placing a gentle kiss on her lips, “You have nothing to be sorry for just try to relax. Now I am going to help you up.” He bent down placing his arms under hers, “Ready on three. One. Two. Three.”

When they stood up their bodies were brought flush together. Conrad kept her tight against him. He whispered sweetly to her, “I got you, trust me.”

She rested her weight into him. Their faces were so close their breath intertwined. She leaned her forehead into his “Yes, you do.”

His emotions came rushing back to the surface causing him to take a rough breath. She was safe and she was his. Suddenly, it wasn't her weight but the emotional weight causing him to falter. No words needed to be spoken. She knew where his mind had gone. One hand moved to the back of his neck while the other moved over his back soothing him. He captured her lips wanting to drown in her smell, touch, taste, sound, everything about her. Nothing was rushed about their movements. When the kiss ended he quickly moved her to the bench out of fear she would start to hurt. She was still catching her breath as they sat down. When she looked into his eyes they almost seemed lost. Her hand went to his cheek. His hand held hers in place for a moment before moving it to his lips, kissing her palm. He interlaced their fingers. Conrad struggled to express his feelings, especially ones that made him feel weak. 

He reached for the shower wand and ran it over her. She couldn't help the content moan that escaped her lips causing a smile to return to his face. After making sure her hair was wet he messaged in the shampoo. He took his time loving the smile that lit up her face. Once he rinsed out the shampoo he applied the conditioner. As it set in he washed her off. Her eyes didn’t leave his face as he tenderly moved over her body. When he moved back up to her neck she couldn’t resist moving her hand to the back of his neck. Drawing him closer she gave him a slow kiss. When she pulled back they both had smiles on their faces. He took a deep breath then finished rinsing them off. Handing Nic a towel to stay warm he quickly dried off and changed. He grabbed the clothes he had brought back from his house for her. It was her favorite sleep shirt and pants that happened to be his old clothes. Her eyes brighten at seeing what he had in his hands. Setting them to the side he laid a folded towel on the floor so her feet wouldn’t slide. Kneeling down he used a fresh towel to dry her legs. 

He started at the top of her injured hip. He gently patted dry the area then leaned down to kiss the top of her thigh. Slowly, he proceeded to move the towel down her leg kissing the newly dry skin. His kisses were tender and loving as he repeated his actions on the other leg. She had sat in shock at first but then she needed to touch him. So she ran her fingers through his hair. He reached over to the pile of clothes getting her underwear and kissed his way her leg as he pulled them up. Then he reached for the pants again he kissed up her leg but he didn’t stop this time. He continued a path up her body kissing. When dipped his tongue into her belly button she couldn’t hold back the soft moan that has been kept trapped. He reached over for the shirt as he kissed up her sternum stopping at her neck. Rolling the shirt he waited for her to lift her arms. She gave him a playful glare but obliged. He made sure to run his fingers down her arms. He finished pulling her shirt down as moved to kiss her neck. Then he froze just over her pulse point. Hearing her pulse sent his mind into overload. 

Without warning his mind was taken back to the moment he held her after she collapsed. The memory of her faint pulse, shallowing breathing brought so many raw emotions. Just as it did then the fear paralyzed him. Nic wasn’t sure what was wrong at first but it quickly hit her. Steadily, she moved her hands under his shirt, hoping her touch would subdue his fears. He shuddered at first as it brought him back to reality. Trying to hold back tears he nuzzled her neck and placed light kisses on her pulse point as she continued to comfort him. Finally, he started to move kisses from her neck to her jawline at last capturing her lips. He deepened the kiss taking from her the reassurance that he desperately needed. It was as if time had stopped, for those few moments there was nothing but the two of them reconnecting with the intimacy they both had been craving. 

He pulled back yet kept their foreheads touching for a moment. They both took breaths to collect themselves. Lovingly, he kissed her nose, eyes, and forehead. He brought his arms under hers again and started to lift her, placing her into the wheelchair. Wheeling her to the side of the bedside he transferred her back onto the bed. No words had been spoken but they had communicated more in the last few moments then they had in a long time. As a couple, they were also connected on a different level, able to read each other from across the room. Conrad had returned from straightening up the bathroom. He stopped and just looked at her. 

Once their eyes met they simply smiled at each other. Nic motioned for him to come to join her which he happily complied. They laid face to face. He leaned in, kissing her forehead, “What do you remember from the day of the shooting?”

At first, Nic was caught off guard by the question. She wasn’t sure why he was asking, “I remember our fight. I remember getting in the car to head towards work but I was upset.” She stopped for a moment to gage his response but his eyes were caring, “I pulled the car over. I didn’t even notice he was behind me but as they pulled around you heard the gunshots. Their car crashed into the other car so I jumped out to help.” She stopped for a moment just considering the events, “I really don’t remember what happened or any pain. I got back in my car and followed the ambulance. Seeing you in the bay… I was so relieved. After that all I remember feeling is safe.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was relieved you were ok.” Her hand tenderly ran from his forehead, down his cheek, and neck while she talked, “The entire drive there I was worried that something may have happened to you. When you touched me… I just felt safe. I really don’t remember much after that.”

Of course, she would be concerned for everyone but herself. It was one of the many things he loved about her. He moved in stealing her lips for a quick kiss as his fingers glided over her arm. He took a deep breath knowing she was waiting for a response. His words were barely above a whisper, “I have never been so scared in my life. When you collapsed I barely had hold of your wrist. I pulled you to me trying to prevent your head from taking too much of an impact then I noticed the fresh blood. Once we got you inside I couldn’t think. It’s like everything was moving so fast but my mind couldn’t keep up. I have never had that happen. Bell and Devon started moving me out which I knew was right but I didn’t want to be away from you. Then…” he closed his eyes as those emotions crept back to the surface. 

Seeing his tortured expression she tried to comfort him, “Shhh Conrad look at me.” She waited for his eyes to meet hers. The tears in his eyes broke her heart, “You don’t have to talk right now if you don’t want too.”

Taking a deep breath he continued, “As they were moving me out of the room you called my name begging me to help you. I shoved Devon back so hard... thankfully Bell was able to catch him or it probably would hurt him. I still don’t know who all held me back. I… I couldn’t help you. I don’t think I have ever been so terrified in my life. I begged you to come back to me. I need you.”

Despite how physically close they were Nic could barely hear his last few sentences. She knew it had to be hard on him but seeing the pain etched on his face killed her. As she wiped away tears from Conrad’s cheek the realization of how much she loved him and he loved her made her eyes start to tear up. She placed slow tender kisses on his cheek, eyelids, and forehead. She rested her forehead against his, “I need you too… not just because of everything that has happened in the last few days… I want to need you. I’m sor-”

Hearing those words from her made his heart feel like it would beat out of his chest. Whatever apology she was starting to give was cut off. His kiss was possessive as if it was her very soul he was seeking to take. Nic grasped his shirt in one hand. The other had been moving up his neck making it into his hair causing her to tug his hair. The primal growl that came from him made her shiver. As carefully as possible he moved her back onto the bed sliding his leg over her good leg. He just wanted to feel her body under his even if just a little.

Moving back he looked into her eyes for a long moment, “I am completely in love with you. I am yours body and soul.”

Running her fingers over his face, “As am I. I love you Conrad.”

Something had changed in their relationship. They didn’t return to where their relationship had been. Instead, they took a movement toward their future. The future was uncertain but they both knew they could rely on the other one.


End file.
